


Pervasive Peace

by Not_Your_Average_Username



Category: Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (TV)
Genre: Pre-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, this show deserves a second season
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24767854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_Your_Average_Username/pseuds/Not_Your_Average_Username
Summary: Kevin Finn is not doing well.This takes place before the show. It is the story of the events leading to his attempted suicide. Is this just a vent fic? Maybe. But like, I'm fine.
Kudos: 3





	Pervasive Peace

**Author's Note:**

> Just to reiterate. Do not read this if you don't wanna think about suicide or read shit with suicide mentions or suicidal thoughts. Some of Kevin's actions are just me projecting what I did when I was doing not great. So be warned. Beyond that, please enjoy!

Maybe it was for the best. Sure, he was fired, but was he ever really happy working there? Maybe losing his job is the push he’s been waiting for. The push to do what that little voice in his head has been suggesting. As he walked out the door of his office, head hung in shame, surprisingly light cardboard box held tight in his hands, he pondered his next course of action. 

Things weren’t great ok? He liked to say they were. That he was living his best life. That he couldn’t be happier. But he could. He wasn’t happy. He had money and things. But those are inconsequential. He had Madelyn who liked him for his money and his position as an investment banker. But Madelyn didn’t like _him_. And that was the problem wasn’t it? No one seemed to like him. The person he truly is. Not the façade he created for work. Not the person he pretends to be to survive in New York. The real Kevin Finn.

He walked out the lobby of the building he used to call his place of work and began his trek to his apartment. His apartment he could no longer afford. When he arrives, Madelyn is there. She sees the box in his arms and the vacant look on his face and she knows. She knows he was fired. It starts as consolation but quickly escalates into a fight. She’s yelling and crying and he’s pleading but maybe he doesn’t mean it. He doesn’t feel wholly there with her. Or maybe he does but it feels like nothing he says will have any consequences. She grabs her purse and leaves, slamming the door behind her. He’s left sitting on his couch staring at the wall. He doesn’t remember falling asleep.

When he wakes, he looks around his apartment. Not for anything specific, just merely observing the life he’s built. He sees the modern furniture that isn’t very comfortable. He sees art hung on the wall that doesn’t mean anything to him. They simply had a price tag with several zeroes. He sees a picture containing himself, his twin sister, and his niece. He looks at the picture for a long time. He wonders that if he were to suddenly disappear would either of them care? Would they even notice? Would they remember him? And if they did, which version of himself? The person he was in Texas or the person he has been since moving to New York? Would it even matter? He has no one left. He hasn’t talked to the little family he has left in years and he just lost his job and his girlfriend within the same day. He’ll lose his apartment soon since there’s no way he can find a job that pays enough to keep it. What’s really left?

He goes to the bathroom sink and splashes cold water on his face, not bothering to turn off the tap. He stares in the mirror as the beads of water drip down his face. He just looks into his eyes and doesn’t notice when the water left on his face mingles with the tears sliding down his cheeks. He stares until he legs go numb and the sound of the water rushing down the drain stops being white noise and becomes a nuisance. He turns the water off and stumbles to his bed. He lays there on the bed and watches the ceiling fan spin lazily. Round and round. His brain is buzzing but at the same time, completely silent. His stomach growls and he realizes he can’t remember the last time he ate.

He goes to his kitchen and opens the pantry, staring blankly at the shelves. He makes a sandwich and eats it without really processing what he’s doing. His mind is stuck in a spiral of “What if I disappeared? What would Amy say? Would she miss me? Would anyone miss me?” He comes to his senses and finds himself staring at his medicine cabinet, the door open. He blinks his eyes into focus and sees the various prescriptions and pills he has stored. He grabs a bottle that is halfway filled with pills. _Would anyone even notice I was gone?_ He reads the label and the warnings about overdosing. _Would anyone even_ care _?_ He unscrews the lid. He rattles the bottle and listens and the pills gently clink against one another. He upturns the bottle, pouring the pills into his cupped hand. He looks out his window to see the setting sun. His high-rise apartment had an excellent view of the city. The sunlight filtered in between the cityscape and glinted off the windows of neighboring buildings. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the counter. He sat down on the couch; eyes still trained on the view outside his apartment. Bringing his hand to his lips he thought, “I wouldn’t mind this being one of the last things I see.” He downed the pills with whiskey. He kept drinking until he fell asleep. His last thoughts before he passed out were ones of shame surrounding a feeling of peace.

When he awoke, he was in a hospital. The EKG was steady and easily faded into the background. His body felt heavy and he felt wires and tubes all over his body. When he opened his eyes he saw his sister. She was asleep in a chair next to the bed. Her eyes were puffy and the skin surrounding them was red as if she had been crying for hours. He wasn’t dead. And it seemed that he was wrong. Someone did notice. Someone cared about whether he was there or not. He felt himself slipping back into unconsciousness but his last thoughts this time were those of guilt surrounding a much warmer feeling of peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway that's it. Comments and kudos are always appreciated. This show deserved a second season and I'll die mad about it.


End file.
